The battle continues...

I can not believe it has been three weeks since I made my last entry. I have a notebook of topics I have wanted to write about. I feel as though time has been slipping through my fingers. Each week a new battle. I have had more thrown at me in the past few weeks than I ever thought imaginable. The day that I learned my disabilities were permanent, my husband also rec'd bad news. He was abnormally quiet as I shared my prognosis. I just figured he had prepared himself for the worst or that he was just letting me vent my anger and sadness. The next blow came as my knee surgeon refused to treat me when he realized that my injury was a result of the nerve damage. Even though my knee is worse and nothing he has done has helped, his prognosis and advice was "sorry nothing I can do for you, and stay away from doctors"!!! I am so sick of Dr.'s being afraid to treat me out of fear of having to testify in a lawsuit. They have nothing to worry about. I have yet to find a lawyer who will take on my case. They all agree I have a clear cut case of malpractice, but no one, including the AZ Med. Board are able to find a Dr. who will testify against my surgeons. As if this was not maddening enough, a week and a half later he mentioned his company was having a BBQ, so I asked if families were invited. Then he revealed why...... it was a sorry we have to lay you all off party... :(. This is the 2nd job he has lost in the past 3 months due to the economy. He is a truck driver, and the company he has worked for has lost many contracts due to companies losing business. Last time , praise God, he was only unemployed for 2 hours. They found another job for him, unfortunately the pay was much less than what we had been living on. Tomorrow we find out if he has a new job. The pay is still less than what we had been living on a year ago, my medical bills lie in a pile. According to Social Security I do not qualify for Disability because of how long I have been out of the work force.

I am unable to work. I am bedridden most of the time. I tire very easy from the toll that the pain takes on my body. If and it is still an if, he is hired tomorrow, we will be without health insurance for at least three months. That is three more months of agonizing pain in my knee until I can find a new surgeon. That is three months that we can not afford to pay for my meds. According to my pharmacy, Lyrica, which I take for both Fibromyalgia and my nerve damage, will cost me $680 a month. My other meds will bring my total monthly cost to $1000. I am putting this in God's hands and praying for a miracle. Because we are not at what is considered a poverty level income, I do not qualify for any assistance program for Lyrica. I am watching this months prescription bottle dwindle down, fearing what will happen when I run out. With my meds my pain level is a 7-10 daily. The pain is constant, never gets better, only gets worse with activity, like walking, standing and sitting. I can not imagine what the pain will be without my medication.

I am not one to ask for help. It is humbling to be in this position. I do not want anyone to think that I am expecting your help, but I am asking for you to pray for me. Please pray that God provides what I need to get the medication I need to make it through each day. In a earlier post I listed items I need to help with my quality of life. Those are not as important to me today as making sure I can pay for my meds. If you are led to help financially, I have added a PayPal button on the left side of this page. No amount is too small. All is greatly appreciated. In the meantime I will keep you updated on my condition, my husbands job, and it is my goal to educate men and women about their patient rights, and take you step by step as I fight for disability and justice. If I can spare just one person the pain that I live in, all will be worth the pain I will endure by taking the time to post information. I will share my joys and sorrows. I will also whip out my notebook and get my other, some quiet humorous, thoughts posted.

It is my faith in Jesus Christ and my sense of humor that gets me through each day.

Not my loaf of bread!?

Today Abby and I decided we would do something nice for her daddy. Drew does most of the cooking, since I am not often physically up to it. I was actually excited, Abby and I planned to make scrambled eggs,orange juice and French toast. So we went to the grocery store last night and bought all the needed items. We had a coupon to get a French bread baguette for free!! Whoo hoo!! We were very blessed, in fact so blessed that we even found the only bag labeled french bread among several flavors.

This morning I started slicing the beautiful loaf of bread to make nice thick pieces of french toast with. While slicing, I noticed something in my bread!?! By sight it appeared to be an almond. HHMMM... I have never had french bread with nuts in it..... then I pulled it out.... HHMMMM almonds don't usually get soft and squishy with baking. Oh well, I just threw it out and continued slicing...... there was another, and another, finally brought it closer to my face for a better inspection. Sniff, Sniff, oh, oh...... these weren't almonds, they were cloves of GARLIC! The bakery put the wrong bread in my bag, what we got is what we tried to avoid, GARLIC BREAD.

Since I was so hungry and did not want to have to go back to the store, I just continued to make my french toast. I would wait and see if anyone would figure it out.

Well, not only did they not notice.... we have declared it the BEST FRENCH TOAST ever. It was really, really good. I have a secret recipe that is so sweet that syrup would be too much and ruin it. After we finished eating, I came clean to my husband. He got a kick out of it and we laughed about my Famous Garlic French Toast!

And no, I won't be sharing my secret ingredients that can make even garlic bread into the best darn french toast ever!!! :)

Ya know, this may be the other reason I do not cook often!!!!!???!!!

-Mrs. C

Celebrating Fathers!

Happy Father's Day!

My little family never does anything small. Nothing is a DAY! Holidays are a weekend event and sometimes a month long event. While most are finishing their plans for tomorrow, we are in the middle of our Father's day celebration. Starting Friday evening, we all went to Abby's Vacation Bible School closing program. There we watched daddy's little girl perform songs celebrating the love our Heavenly Father has for us. After we all went out and had a treat, nothing big, just a little french fries, ice cream, chicken nuggets, coffee and soda! Big were the smiles, laughs and love, for each other, for my children's father and our Heavenly Father. Today is a bit more subdued. Abby and I are both finishing up last minute details to make sure that our surprise tomorrow will show Drew how loved he is. He is a great father to both of our children. To Justin, he is an example of how to be a loving husband and father. To Abby, he is an example of the type of man she should seek to be her husband when she grows up. Drew is an example to both kids and me, of how to follow Jesus Christ. To trust, to follow, to teach, to love, and most importantly how to submit to Christ. He is an example of patience and respect. His faith is not an "in your face" kinda faith, but a quiet and peaceful faith, the kind of peace that makes people want to know more about it. Drew serves Christ and works hard to provide for us, all with very little complaints. I am blessed to have a husband who puts God before me, whose love of God is shared with me and our children.

Tonight we will go praise our Heavenly Father. I plan to praise God for giving me the type of family I dreamed of as a child. A family that plays and prays together. I will praise God for His never ending love.

Romans 8:39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below - indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Tomorrow we will wrap up our weekend of celebration, but I pray we show our love to both God and Drew everyday.

How do you show thanks to your father, husband, and to God?

May God bless all men who rise to the call and raise their children to love and respect God. Whether quietly or loudly, seen or heard, may your faith be an example to other men.

Buckle up, we are in for a bumpy ride...

You may notice some of my past posts are missing. There is a reason for this.

After a lot of thought and prayer my husband and I have decided that we are filing a complaint with the AZ Med Board and will attempt to retain a lawyer for the permanent damages caused by a surgeon last August. Now that we know that I am disabled for life, we need to do this. So to make things a bit easier on myself, I have removed all comments about the surgeries and surgeons. I do not want my blog to be used against me if we go to court.

There is a chance the AMB will throw this complaint out, but a chance I need to take. If anything I pray that when the surgeon finds that he caused so much damage he will be more careful with future patients. As for the law suit, this took much prayer and talk with my husband. I know alone I could not face this emotional battlefield that we are heading into, but with God and my husbands promise to hold me tight when I cry, I am ready. I have medical needs that we can not afford, so we are taking the plunge. No matter what the outcome, in finding a lawyer who is brave enough to take this Dr. on, or what a trial will bring, I do know that God will provide. Somehow, someway, God will make sure we have what we need.

God has blessed us with a friend who his lending us one of his cars for the summer.

Please join us in prayer as we ask God to guide us to a permanent transportation solution.

Our van is beyond repair, and with what it would cost to repair what is fixable,

we could purchase a "new' used vehicle.

I am also in need of many items to help with my quality of life.

Those items include (but are not everything) a wheelchair with rising leg support, a walker with a seat and back rest and basket underneath, a bath chair, a king size foam mattress, and the funds to hire a housekeeper.

For those new to my blog or didn't see the last post update, that I have removed:

While performing a common procedure, my surgeon severed nerves that can not be fixed.

For the rest of my life I will be fighting pain.

I am very limited in my physical activity.

Everything I do causes great pain.

Walking, standing and sitting straight up causes uncontrollable pain.

I do walk, but it is not without consequences.

I spend most of my day in bed or in my lounge chair where I can elevate my feet and take pressure off the source of pain by remaining in a reclined position.

My bed and couch have become my "office".

There is more, but do not feel I should be posting it at this time.

Please pray for me, everyday is a struggle.

It is my faith and trust in Jesus Christ that get me through each day,

and sometimes each hour.

Thank you all for your prayers. Please continue praying for me. The pain never ends and life must go on. I will be vaguely updating the situation on my blog.

Have no fear!!!! I have many other subjects to write about!!!

God bless,

Mrs. C.

A Childhood Dream Come True!

I have been a serious for awhile in my posts. But those close to me, know I have a sense of humor. Laughter is what gets me thru stress, and the day. I love to laugh, and can usually find humor in anything, even my lack of physical abilities. So those of you who have just met me or don't think I have a funny bone in my body, get ready for a chuckle.

***

I was born in and lived all over Ohio. We moved to Arizona less than two weeks before I began 6th grade. The last Ohio town I lived in was where I spent most of my Ohio life. Like every town or city, there are rich areas and poor areas. Our town was no different.

***

First you had the rich section, they had the two-story and tri-level homes, all with basements. The richest had above ground pools. These pools were beautiful with wood decks, and some had slides! They also had indoor A/C as well as cars with A/C. These people lived on one side of our quaint downtown area, that included a beautiful gazebo.

***

Between the downtown area and the railroad tracks, the upper middle class lived closest to the rich side and it trickled down the financial scale to the ones barely above poverty living next to the tracks. These people mostly lived in apartments, single story track homes, with only a few two-story and/or basement homes.

***

On the other side of the tracks were the poorest. They lived in one bedroom apartments and homes so tiny they resembled sheds.

***

My family was barely in the second classification. The only thing dividing my family's house from the tracks were the ABC apartments. We, the neighborhood kids referred to them as the ABC apt's because each building had a letter of the alphabet on them. We thought we were so clever. I went over the "tracks" only a few times. Once on a Baptist church bus for a week, on my way to and from Vacation Bible School. The other times were during the gas crisis and they cut our school days in half, allowing the school from the other side to use ours during the other half. We would share the bus as we were getting picked up and the other was getting dropped off.

***

My life was simple. I had no idea what else I was missing other than the size and type of homes. I dreamed of having a tri-level home in the rich section of town, with an above ground pool. I prayed I would never have to live in a one-story home, when I grew up. (I have a personal phobia about one-story homes). I had no clue that people actually had central air conditioning, let alone A/C in their cars!!

***

I remember a hot, sticky summer day riding in the back seat of our family's two door car. My parents had their windows down, and the hot air was blowing in my face. I felt gritty from the dirt also blowing in. We came to a stop at a traffic light and a car pulled up next to us. I suddenly felt so blessed! The car next to us had their windows UP!!! I thought how sad that the father in the car was making his family sweat, I was darn happy to have the wind in my face. Two years later my parents purchased their first car with A/C and I quickly learned that the everyone I saw with their windows up, were not suffering. Funny that until that moment I thought I was better off!!

***

It was after we moved to Arizona that I learned about central air. We lived in an apartment complex that had A/C and a pool. Wow!! I thought my family hit the lottery. Had no clue I was still living on the edge of the "tracks".

***

Many years later I was blessed with a husband, two kids, and a childhood dream of a tri-level home and above ground pool!!!! Only one thing wrong or maybe it is right, I am still on the wrong side of town!!! LOL! Oh, I almost forgot, I have A/C too!!! Of course I don't know anyone in the valley who doesn't!! Below are pictures of our tri-level home and our above ground pool !!!

***

By the way I love where I live and am thankful for my above ground pool :)

***

Count your blessings, I am counting mine which include TWO above ground pools! Also laugh a little, or as I do, A LOT, ROFL!!!

-Mrs. C.

Still climbing...

Strangely I am thankful for my "climb". "It's not about whats waiting on the the other side, it's the climb". That is how I feel. What I think about when I listen to this song is, no matter how bad the pain is, as long as I am still climbing, I am OK. I can't let the words of others bring me down. So while some think because I can't fill my schedule with places to go, that my quality of life is less, I can't and won't think that way. In fact at times I feel more blessed than those I see always on the go. God has slowed my life so that I can enjoy so many more quiet moments, so much more quality time with my family. I personally don't know many people who have the kind of relationships that I have with my children.

Everyone has their own mountain to climb. Some of us just climb slower than others. My prayer for you is to take your time, don't climb so fast that you miss the beauty around you. Don't miss out on the quiet times. And if you see someone who has fallen, help them up, unless they are just resting, then join them and enjoy the view!

-Mrs. C.

Blessings of being a Mother.

Today I pray that every mother knows how much she is loved, cherished and most of all blessed.
Pictured is me and my mother, my sweet hubby and my babies. Ok so one of my babies is an "adult" according to U.S. law, but no matter how old my children are they will always be my babies.

This weekend is for families, a day to thank moms, for being there thru good times and bad. For always having a shoulder to cry on or for just listening to us ramble on about nothing. It is also a day for children to thank their moms for loving them, not to mention for giving birth to them, especially when many feel a child is a burden if not born into perfect circumstances. It is a day for husbands to thank their wives. And a day for women to thank God for blessing them with the gift of motherhood.



Being a mother is an honor. Whether we give birth or adopt a child, God knows who our children will be. To be trusted with this gift, this responsibility, this blessing that brings joy and sorrow to us daily, is truly amazing. We ask why me? Why was I blessed with this privilege?



How can we even begin to thank God for trusting us with His children? Just as we are children of God, so are our children. We love them, we baptize them, we teach and show them God's love and mercy. We hug them, we kiss them, we bandage scraped knees, and we discipline them. We watch them grow, and the time flies by..... One day they are babes, needing us for everything, then in a blink of an eye, they are adults who no longer need us to do things for them, but they still need our love, hugs and at times a shoulder to cry on. Just as their Heavenly Father, mothers are always there for their children with open arms. While we hope they will always heed our advice, we know they will make mistakes. As God forgives us and them, we too forgive a repentant child.



While motherhood is a blessing, it is also a challenge. There is no rule book!! If there was, would we seek God's wisdom during times of trial and frustration? Being a mother without the guidance of God would make raising a child even harder. It is funny when our children are little, we think it will be easier when they are older. That is actually when it is the hardest. There are times we don't know what to do or say when we see our older children making mistakes and they do not want to listen to us. Yet God is there for us with open arms and ears, as we pray, we pray for God to guide our babies.



Being a mother never ends. Like I said, my "adult" son, will always be my baby. I will always see him as my little boy, yet respect the man he has become. Our relationship has grown thru the years, and changed over time, but no matter how old he becomes, he will always know he can come to me. I may not offer advice, I may not have answers, but I will always have a listening ear, a hug and a prayer. My daughter is still young, she still needs my guidance on a daily basis. I thank God she does, because one day I will wake up and she too will be an adult.



This weekend may our love for our children remind us of the love our Heavenly Father has for us. May we take time to thank Him for the gift of motherhood. May God bless every mother today and for every tomorrow that follows.


Happy Mother's day!
Mrs. C.